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I will occasionally post a humerous story, anecdote, or even a joke. I hope that nobody will take offence and perhaps you can e-mail me any of your contributions.
NOAH IN 2007
In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Bethnall Green London and said "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. You must build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings to construct the Ark, saying "You have six months to build the Ark before I start the unending continuos rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later the Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his back yard weeping with his head in his hands - but no Ark. "Noah" he roared "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. To build the Ark I needed Building Regulations Approval and that takes ages to get, even now after several meetings the approval has not been granted and I have to appear before the planning sub-committee at the Town Hall next week. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for an automatic sprinkler system, detection and alarm system to be fitted throughout the Ark. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my back garden because it is a developement of the site, even if in my view it is a temporary structure. We have had to appeal to the Secretary of State after we had been refused at a local level. Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond of £250,000 be posted for the future costs moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I did tell them that wouldn't be needed as the sea would be coming to us, but that made no difference to them. Getting the timber was another problem. All the decent trees have tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in an area that is designated a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up to protect the little eared owl. I tied to convince the environmentalists that I needed the timber to save the owl together with all other birds - but no go! When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted I was confining wild animals against their will, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environmental Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many BME's I'm suppose to hire for my building team. The trade unions say I can't use my sons, because they are not registered or qualified. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take me at least 10 years for me to finish the Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the wind died down, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stetched right across the horizon. Noah looked up in wonder and amazement and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"NO," said the Lord. "THE GOVERNMENT HAS BEATEN ME TO IT"
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